Bag lady...LET IT GO...love will make it better

♫Bag lady you gone hurt your back...dragging all them bags like that. I guess nobody ever told you all you must hold on to is YOU...Girl I know sometimes it's hard, and we can't let go. When someone hurts you oh so bad inside you can't deny it...you can't stop crying. But If you start breathing then you won't believe it...you'll feel so much better♫

I was listening to bag lady by Erykah Badu. I have listened to this song a million times. But this time was different.I suddenly felt as if she was speaking directly to me.

This is a very sensitive issue to me because I feel like my world has been turned upside down. I thought I was living my dream freely, but this epiphany has changed my life...I realize that I'm the bag lady Erykah Badu is singing about...

Am I a bag lady? I guess if I am honest with I have to admit that I am. I have so much baggage from the past that I need to get rid of. I have suitcases upon suitcases piled up...suitcases of hurt...suitcases of anger...suitcases of pain...suitcases of fear...suitcases of other people's problems and suitcases of disappointment. I have so many suitcases that I cannot even get around without stumbling...

I thought I had let all of those fears and disappointments go. I thought I was finally in a place of total liberation of the mind, body and soul. But honestly I now realize that I never truly liberated my soul, because I never let any of the things of my past go. I still have all of those bags...i just kinda rearranged them. So its all still there, but now its a little neater and easier to hide. I know I gotta let this stuff go because its suffocating me. But...I really don't know how. I don't even know where to begin to clear out all of this junk. I wish there was a book to teach me how to free myself from all of this emotional baggage that I been dragging. Just like the song says..."Bag lady you gone miss your bus...You can't hurry up...Cause you got too much stuff" This is a painful reality for me right now. There are so many places I want to go, so many things i want to do and so many things I want to see, but these bags are holding me up.

Its scary, because I know what I need to do. But I really don't know how. And this is really difficult for me because I'm not used to losing control in my life. I always have it together. Or so I thought. This is one area where I need some serious work and help. I'm trying to learn how to let go of all of the things of the past. But I guess I'm afraid to...because, letting go means being alone with myself. Its like I have surrounded myself with all of this emotional baggage because it keeps me busy; it gives me something to do. But I just had this epiphany and I realize that emotional baggage is a sort of prison. Its a self imposed prison, and I need to break free.

"Bag lady Let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go
Girl you don't need it
I betcha love can make it better"

I know this is so true. I gotta let it go. I have to unpack each one of these suitcases for good or else I'm gonna remain in a cage with no way out. With each word of this entry I am slowly releasing the hurt that others have caused me...the disappointment I have felt...the pain I have caused others....the anger I have stored up...and the fear I have let get in my way.I'm unpacking those suitcases and throwing this garbage away.

I guess I got so caught up in worrying about everyone else that I forgot to take of myself. Now its time for me to move on and start fresh. I'm starting to feel better already. But I know I have a lot of soul-searching and meditating to do before I'm completely unpacked. I just hope I get rid of these bags for good this time...